Index to post titles and transcripts for Invisibules

1. (not far now) [I do love these country walks] \n2. (from the top we'll be able not to see for miles) \n3. (here we are) [great!] \n4. honk vroom peep parp roar \n5. clatter hoot BANG rumble peeep! HONK \n6. (I must get this GPS fixed) \n \n

Invisibules the new meme?

#103 Supplies

1. (we'll need plenty of easy-to-carry provisions) \n2. (you are in charge of oat meal) [ok boss!] \n3. (you, get pasta) [yup] \n4. (you're nuts -- and dried fruit) [sure thing] \n5. (and you, get me a dried cow, and grind it up) [why's that, boss?] \n6. (for powdered milk, you idiot) \n

#104 Intoxication

1. (careful on the road -- you know how these drunks drive around Bulemas) \n2. [but it's December!] \n3. [Bulemas isn't for another six months] \n4. (_I_ know that) \n5. \n6. (but do the drunks know that?) \n

#105 Concert

1. BULESTEIN \n2. [hey! quiet! we're trying to sleep!] \n3. (Invisibuleans, I'm sorry but the concert cannot continue!) -- outrage! -- boo! \n4. (... it seems the management have provided me with a piano) \n5. --zzzzz \n6. (without checking first for sitting tenants) --shame! --refund! \n

#106 Rule Of Bule

1. TRUE and TRUE is TRUE \n2.TRUE and FALSE is FALSE / FALSE and TRUE is also FALSE \n3. but now BULE decrees \n4. FALSE and FALSE is _TRUE_ / it is the _new_law_ and _all_ shall believe it \n5. Defy me at your peril for I AM _BULE_ \n6. It is the only way I can pass my logic exams -- BULEAN LOGIC RULES \n

#107 Diagnosis

1. [why are you lying on the pavement?] (groan!) \n2. (I'm not very well) \n3. [why, what's up?] (my doctor just called me on my mobile...) \n4. [did the shock of a terminal diagnosis make you fall down in trauma?] (no, he invited me round for dinner...) \n5. (so I was texting my partner) \n6. (and walked into this post box) \n

#108 Assist

HELP I AM TRAPPED INSIDE ANDREW'S COMPUTER!

#109 Fanatics

1. [how did your concert go?] (fantastic -- we played like a dream...) \n2. (...and the audience went wild -- screaming and throwing underwear!) \n3. [that's amazing!] (yes -- it's never happened to our viol consort before!) \n4. [so now the world is your oyster -- you can get as many sexual partners as you like!] (possibly) \n5. \n6. (when I say 'underwear' it was rather limited to thermal vests and support stockings) \n

#110 Remodelling

1. (hey! I nearly didn't recognise you!) [do you like it?] \n2. (yes - I'm insanely jealous! where did you get it?) [I went to a nose-job specialist in Visibulia] \n3. (really - you _must_ give me hist name!) [well, I don't like to] \n4. [he told me he does the rich and famous, and that I shouldn't reveal his name] \n5. (oh go on - you can tell me - I won't let on!) [well, all right, it's...] \n6. [...Mr Potato Head] \n

#111 Flag

1. (what are you doing?) [it's a special government commission!] \n2. [I'm designing a new national flag for Invisibulia] \n3. (great! what's the design?) \n4. [well, I need to express the great qualities of our country...] \n5. [transparency, purity and cleanliness] \n6.

#112 Axe Safety

1. (hello, is this the national safety helpline?) --yes sir, it is \n2. (I'm looking for advice on safety equipment for use with an axe...) \n3. --yes sir, that would be eye protection and strong boots \n4. (hmm, are you sure that's enough?) --well, it depends - what job are you planning? \n5. (maybe log splitting, but also some crazed axe-murdering later) --oh, you should have said! \n6. --then I would recommend plenty of bandages and try to have a first-aider nearby \n

#113 Following

1. --trudge trudge \n2. --trudge trudge (I can hear someone following me!) \n3. --trudge trudge (carefully choose the moment to turn and fight...) \n4. (NOW!) --POW! BIFF! wallop! @ aieee * ! ow! yikes! thump! \n5. --blush (ahem.) \n6. (perhaps it was just the wind?) \n

#114 Bathing

1.(o wise one! I have searched long for thee, and have eschewed meat and bathing for many months!) [the latter I am wise enough to know... Now ask your question quickly] \n2. (I have a perplexing riddle which I cannot solve) [get on with it] \n3. (the bath has it in its power to clean me) [indeed it does].oO{why not give it a try, eh?} \n4. (the bath cleans, yet, who shall clean the bath?) \n5. \n6. [I did it last, so it's YOUR TURN next] \n

#115 Release

1. \n2. \n3. \n4. (what _are_ you doing?) \n5. \n6. [I'm releasing bottled water back into the wild] \n

#116 Cable

1. [hello! what have you got there?] (it's my new digital cable -- gold plated terminals, unidirectional-oxygen-free copper wire -- it cost me a fortune) \n2. [you do know that all jargon is completely useless irrelevance, don't you?] (no! why do you say that?) \n3. [because digital signals just don't work like that] (but the chemist said I'd get much better results) \n4. [the chemist? why would the chemist be selling you a data cable?] (it's for my toothbrush) \n5. \n6. [but you only have a _manual_ toothbrush] \n

#117 Mime

1. (my first mime is a person walking into a strong wind...) \n2. \n3. --bravo --wonderful! --applause! \n4. (thank you! and now, cleaning a window...) \n5. \n6. --what rubbish! --booo! --terrible! \n

#118 Whether

1. (...so naturally I took her at her word) \n2. (I mean it's not the sort of offer you get every day) \n3. (but it ........ the ............) \n4. (............................) \n5. (............................) \n6. (so I'm not going to see her again) [um, not whe fog has lifted could you go over the salacious bits again?] \n

#119 Tense

1. (this is the spot. let's get the tent up) \n2. [are you sure it's safe here?] --shake \n3. (of course it's safe. I've brought a special camouflaged tent...) \n4. (and it's even on stilts to keep us dry in case of flood) \n5. [I have a bad feeling about this] \n6. --ROARR \n

#120 Winter Sports

1. Invisibulean winter sports -- #1 \n2. 2 \n3. 3 \n4. #4 \n5. 5 \n6. The winner is: number 4! #4 --Snowman construction event \n

#121 Signage

1. no. 1 --KEEP OFF THE GRASS \n2. no. 2 --NO SPITTING \n3. no. 3 --DO NOT LEAN OUT OF THIS WINDOW no 4. --Pull-> \n4. no. 8 --OUT OF ORDER \n5. no. 5 --WAY OUT no.6 --WAY IN \n6. no. 7 --TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED \n

#122 Speed

1. problem... VROOM! --aiee! \n2. and so... (20) \n3. ...but still... VROOM! \n4. ...and so... IT'S (20) FOR A REASON \n5. ...but still... VROOM! \n6. ...and so... IT'S IT'S (20) FOR A REASON FOR A REASON \n

#123 Brimstone

1. *you will obey me for I AM BULE \n2. *my punishment will compel you, unto the seventh generation \n3. --eyebrows, Bule! like you mean it! \n4. --good! go on... \n5. *I will afflict you with unimaginable torment! \n6. --why have you stopped? *I've got hair in my eyes \n

#124 Imagination

1. *you will obey me for I AM BULE \n2. *my punishment will compel you, unto the seventh generation \n3. *I will afflict you with unimaginable torment! \n4. *such as \n5. \n6. *well, it's hard to imagine! \n

#125 Education

1. --come on, Bule, or you'll be in schule for ever. Literally. \n2. *(sob) I will afflict you with unimaginable torment! \n3. *I WILL --go on! go on! \n4. *...put your socks in unmatched pairs! --NO Bule! think bigger! \n5. *...ummm \n6. *unmatched groups of 3? \n

#126 Earthworks

1. (hello! what's up?) [I'm digging myself a cellar] \n2. (quite an undertaking I should imagine) [yes, it's much harder to do than I thought] \n3. (hmm, lots of digging and heavy work?) [indeed, but that's the easy part...] \n4. (why's that?) [I started in my kitchen and dug straight down] \n5. [it was really easy going after the first half metre] \n6. [it turns out that the hard part is dealing with the neighbours in the flat below] \n

#127 Wild Dogs

1. (how was your safari trip?) [pretty rough at times...] \n2. [I was chased and bitten by African Wild Dogs!] \n3. (did you get out of the 4x4 at the wrong moment?) [no, it happened at the airport] \n4. (ah, I suppose you were playing games at security...) [no, not really.] \n5. [but it was my own fault.] \n6. [I put my toothpaste in a see-through bag half an inch too big] \n

#128 Safari

1. (so, apart from the wild dogs at the airport, how was your safari?) \n2. [not bad at all, thanks! We saw plenty of lions] \n3. [giraffe, hippos, impala, rhino...] \n4. (sounds great!) [really, we were hoping to spot a cheetah...] \n5. \n6. [but all those we saw were already spotted] \n

#129 Blah

1. blah blah blah \n2. blah blah \n3. --click! \n4. \n5. \n6. (how was your video conference?) [fine, after I turned the sound off] \n

#130 Sugar Hit

1. fructose --drink \n2. sucrose --glug! \n3. maltose --guzzle! \n4. glucose --quaff! \n5. lactose --slurp! \n6. (zzzzz) comatose --crash! \n

#131 Tall Story

1. (that looks painful!) [I fell off a ladder] \n2. (clearing a gutter?) [no, I'm learning how to shear] \n3. (but why would you need a ladder to shear a sheep?) [not a sheep. A giraffe] \n4. (I didn't know it was possible!) [No, this may be a first for Invisibulia -- my new venture] \n5. (what's the product going to be?) \n6. [patchwork quilts] \n

#132 Demonstration

1. \n2. \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. Judges' Decision: NO RESULT as it was not possible to verify that the correct part of the body was used for the break. \n

#133 Sickness

1. (how was your trip to Visibulia?) [terrible, I was sick the whole time] \n2. (something you ate?) [no] \n3. (travel sickness?) [no] \n4. (something bit you?) [no] \n5. (virus?) [no, vertigo] \n6. [I hate it when you can see the ground the whole time] \n

#134 The Force

1. (prepare to die!) \n2. --vzzzrr \n3. --vrrrr --vzzzrr \n4. (you're doomed now! Your light sabure is broken!) [that's what _you_ think] \n5. [my light sabure works in UV] (UV? what's the point?) \n6. [even if I miss you you'll get a nasty, itchy sun burn] \n

#135 Straight And Narrow

1. --HOOT! --swerve (that was close!) [are we still alive?] \n2. [aggressive drivers are a menace to those coming the other way!] \n3. --hoot hoot! (get a move on!) \n4. [whereas timid drivers just provoke those behind them] \n5. (how about _my_ driving?) [you're much more middle-of-the-road] \n6. --honk! --parp! --(*!#@!) --hoot toot! --swerve [literally]"

#136 Mass Allowance

1. --Photon Phlights CHECK IN --PP1397 INVISIBULIA 12:15 ON TIME \n2. {welcome to Photon Phlights - can I see your tickets please?} \n3. \n4. --0015eV Baggage Mass {sorry sir, but your baggage is well over the limit} \n5.(but I thought we were allowed 20eV, this is only 15!) \n6. {yes sir, 20eV travelling, not rest mass} \n

#137 Lightyears

1. for billions of years \n2. these photons have raced through space \n3. covering unimaginable distances \n4. \n5. (are we _there_ yet?) to arrive, finally in Invisibulia \n6. --this place is a dump! --this was _your_ idea \n

#138 Photons Relax

1. The Photons are on holiday in Invisibulia \n2. --it's so boring here --there's nothing to see \n3. --I can't believe we travelled six billion light years for _this_ \n4. --but you have to admit, there are compensations... \n5. --no interference from other photons \n6. and a very relaxed set of Maxwell's equations [NOTICE curl(E) ~=~ -dB/dt by order] \n

#139 Enmity

1. The Photons are on holiday in Invisibulia \n2. --I'm getting to like it here - why don't we stay? \n3. Suddenly! (oh no you don't sonny boy. You're steppin' on our patch!) (like he said. We'll take you down) \n4. --really - and who are you? \n5. (I'm dark matter) (and I'm dark energy) (we're in charge here) BIFF --ow! \n6. (photons!) (hur hur!) (that'll _enlighten_ 'em) --groan ...to be continued! \n

#140 Electromagnetic

1. On holiday in Invisibulia the Photons have been treated unkindly by the locals, dark matter and dark energy... --groan \n2. {I can't believe they attacked us like that!} {yes, their puns are worse than ours} (ha ha) (hur hur) \n3. {but I'm not afraid of the dark! Hey, come back here and fight} (he means -- us?) \n4. {I'll use ... the FORCE} \n5. \n6. electromagnetic force! -- to be continued! \n

#141 Ello Ello

1. Photon turns electromagnetic force against the dark ones... \n2. (he's trying to roast us!) (we'd be toast...) \n3. (...but as dark matter & energy we choose to ignore it) (hur hur) \n4. ['ello 'ello] {thank goodness you're here, officer -- these two attacked me} \n5. [never mind that, sonny Jim, use of electromagnetic force is a serious crime in Invisibulia] \n6. [you're nicked] (now the _heat_'s on him!) (hur hur) --tbc... \n

#142 Speed Of Sound

1. Photon is arrested a long way from home... (from watching TV I know you are allowed to call a lawyer) \n2. {thanks. It's long distance} (how long?) {six billion light years} \n3. Soon... <don't say anything until I get there> {great ... how long will that be?} \n4. <six billion years, at the speed of light> \n5. {so how is this phone call working so fast?} \n6. <I'm a ventriloquist> --tbc... \n

#143 Sentence

1. Photon is in the dock... (this court finds that you acted in aggravated self-defense) --phew! \n2. (however, we don't like your kind round here) \n3. (therefore, by the powers invested in me by the people of Invisibulia;) \n4. (...and by a whole extra set of powers I've mad up for myself as a result of a creativity training course;) \n5. (...and because there's an experiment I've always wanted to try;) \n6. (...I sentence you to life confinement in the Young's Double Slit cell) --gasp! \n

#144 Escape

1. Photon has been locked up for using electromagnetic force in Invisibulia... \n2. {wait - a slit! I can slip out and escape} {ha! stupid authorities} \n3. {hold on, there are two} \n4. {perhaps the second one would be better} \n5. {or should I just go with the first?} \n6. {maybe they aren't so stupid} \n

#145 Tunnel

1. Photon is in prison... \n2. --sigh \n3. --clang! --eh? \n4. --clang! clunk! \n5. (hi! I'm Quantum) (I've tunnelled through) --but how? \n6. (would you believe... I put the soil inside a vaulting horse?) \n

#146 Homeward

1. (hungry, sir?) {rather!} (beef or chicken sir?) \n2. (beef please!) (there's no beef sir, sorry sir) \n3. {so why did you bother to ask?} (company policy sir, to give the illusion of choice) \n5. {I see. Well I suppose I'll have to _choose_ chicken} (well, ...) \n6. {any stale bread left?} (I'll see if I can steal some from only-just-above-cattle-class, sir) \n

#147 Abilities

1. (aeiooo! oww! ohh!) [what's up?] \n2. (I swallowed a tablet) [an now it's made you ill?] \n3. (yes! oww)(and I was just hoping to improve my abilities) \n4. [what abilities?] (drawing) \n5. [wait a minute did you swallow a...] \n6. [graphics tablet?] (yes, and I still can't draw) \n

#148 Potion

1. ADVERTISEMENT (let's see if this stuff works...) \n2. --slurp \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. BULE's brand / patent instant moustache grower / WORKS EVERY TIME \n

#149 Opera

1. (hello - wher've you been?) [to the opera] \n2. (did you enjoy it?) [it was not bad, but I was disappointed] \n3. (why's that?) [well I sat for 15 hours through the entire Ring Cycle] \n4. (wasn't that exhausting?) [yes, but I didn't like it that they changed the story] \n5. (how do you mean?) \n6. [in all that time I didn't see Frodo even _once_] \n

#150 Optics

1. (look what I bought!) [wow! binoculars!] \n2. (yes, and _very_ expensive) [why so pricey?] \n3. (superb optics) \n4. (coated lenses)(precision mechanics) [fantastic! do they work?] \n5. \n6. (hard to say) \n

#151 Twisted

1. (here you are, sir, cheese and pickle sandwich) [yum!] \n2. \n3. {very brave of you} \n4. [what?] {hunting down your food, braving all dangers...} \n5. {then... making a cheese sandwich, very impressive} \n6. [WAITER! you've brought me wry bread by mistake] {ha ha ha} \n

#152 Sign

1. HEALTH & SAFETY NOTICE: TAKE CARE! \n2. \n3. \n4. \n5. --bonk! (ow) \n6. (help?) \n

#153 Golden

1. \n2. \n3. 'It must be love...' \n4. \n5. 'No George! Not there...' \n6. (I do so love these silent movies!) [me too] \n

154 Responsibility

1. (oh dear) [what's up?] \n2. (I plugged in this new device, and my computer won't connect to the internet) [hmmm, let me have a look] \n3. [no, your computer is fine! But I think you've destroyed the entire Invisibulia communications infrastructure] (well, thank goodness for that!) \n4. --ring ring [hello! ... oh, I see sir, I'll pass on your message] \n5. (who was it?) [the Invisibulia Minister of Communications is rather angry with you] \n6. (I wonder why -- the phone still works, doesn't it?) \n

#155 Deny

1. {Romans certainly dug trenches under their floors...} \n2. {...this was certainly a kind of ritual for deflecting evil spirits...} \n3. {...which would then get confused inside the labyrinthine tunnels.} \n4. {It is clear that they did no use underfloor heating as _some_people_ would have you believe} --click \n5. \n6. (I _hate_ these hypocaust denialists) \n

#156 Orders

1. (how embarrassing)\t[why what have you done?] \n2. (I rang up UNESCO by mistake)\t[were they rude to you?] \n3. (no, not until I tried to place an order) [with UNESCO?] \n4. (yes, I asked for a delivery of "value pasties") \n5. \n6. (apparently, UNESCO isn't the international delivery service for TESCO) \n

#157 Coolness

1. your handy guide to WHAT's COOL IN INVISIBULIA? \n2. BERET -- NOT COOL \n3. HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE -- NOT COOL \n4. BUNCHES -- NOT COOL \n5. NIPPLE TASSELS and G-STRING -- FAIRLY COOL \n6. GIANT ICE CUBE -- VERY COOL

#158 Road Rage

1. ROAD RAGE \n2. RROAR! \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. \n \n

#159 Hedgehog

1. (oh mighty BULE help us!) \n2. SPEAK, LITTLE HEDGEPIG, AND I, BULE, WILL HEAR \n3. (oh BULE, the harsh winter has left us hungry -- give us food, for which we will serve you to retain our self respect) \n4. IT SHALL BE DONE. BULE HAS SPOKEN \n5. (thank you, your BULENESS) \n6. HELP YOURSELVES TO CHEESE & PINEAPPLE, EVERYONE! \n

#160 Slugs

1. (what have you got there?) [it's a cucumber] \n2. (why?) [aha! it's my new campaign against slugs] \n3. (to use as a sacrificial decoy?) \n4. (it'll never work! you'll just attract more of them to eat your sunflowers) \n5. [that isn't _exactly_ what I planned) \n6. THAT NIGHT -- BIFF [and that makes fifty six...] \n

#161 Sax

1. \n2. \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. \n

#162 Sunset

1. \n2. \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. \n

#163 Etiquette

1. (so, Bulofeld, do you expect me to talk?) \n2. \n3. [no, Mr. Bond, I expect you to EAT] \n4. (so, Bulofeld, do you expect me to eat?) \n5. \n6. [no, Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIET] \n

#164 Genome

1. [hi, how's things?] (I'm worrying about my genes) \n2. [how so? you suspect your parentage?] (no, it's not that...) \n3. (...apparently I share over 60% of my genes with a banana) \n4. [that's not so bad -- it shows all life in Invisibulia is related at a fundamental level] \n5. (no, but I share 60% of _my_genes_ with a _banana_! \n6. (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.) \n

#165 Heads I Win

1. (hi!) [hello!] \n2. (notice anything different about me?) [no] \n3. (come on, you're not even trying) \n4. [um ... you've grown an extra head?] \n5. (oh really!) \n6. ((how did you guess?)) \n

#166 Optometrist

1. (how's that?) {no!} \n2. --whir hiss (better?) {just as bad!} \n3. (and now?) {better...} \n4. (...and here you are, Mr Bule, your new specs) \n5. {I can't see anything}{where did you train as an optometrist?} \n6. (optometrist? I'm a car mechanic!) \n

#167 Management

1. Management (I'd like to see your feasibility report by Friday) \n2. milli-management (show me your plan for your feasibility report by Tuesday, and send me daily updates) \n3. micro-management (here's my list of your corrections for your 18th draft of the feasibility report planning document) \n4. kilo-management (we'll need your new widget by February) \n5. mega-management (just do stuff...) \n6. nano-management (press shift; keep it down; press T. Release both. Press h. Release. Press e. Release. Press spacebar. Release. Sit up properly. Press g... \n

#168 Bird Thoughts

1. (a yellow bird just flew past) [I didn't see it. What kind was it?] \n2. (I don't remember what they're called) [was it a hoopoe?] \n3. (hoopoe aren't yellow) [yes they are] \n4. (no, you're thinking of a weaver bird) [I am _not_ thinking of a weaver bird] \n5. (you _are_ thinking of a weaver bird) [I am _not_ thinking of a _weaver_bird_] \n6. (but you are now...) [...dammit!] \n

#177 Lens Law

1. (operator -- get me the optician urgently!) -yes sir... \n2. -hello -- I'm the optician. What's the matter? \n3. (my lens has rolled round inside my head - it's _very_ painful) \n4. -try closing your eyes and rolling them around \n5. -this sort of thing often happens with contact lenses \n6. (I don't _wear_ contact lenses) \n

#170 Sentient Bean

1. [since I'm showing you around the capital, let's go to the national museum] (lead on!) \n2. [there, what do you think?] (a magnificent building!) \n3. [and here is our most treasured exhibit] (it looks like a lentil!) \n4. [not just any lentil, the prize of our country, the very foundation of our civilisation, the centre of our zeitgeist] (gosh!) \n5. [it is customary to touch it -- like this] (really? why is that?) \n6. [to put your finger on the pulse of the nation] \n

#171 Towel Trouble

1. (hi, is that the recycling service?) ~~yes \n2. (I want some advice -- can I recycle my paper handtowel?) ~~ah no, technically you see that's contaminated waste \n3. (because it has touched a person?) ~~yes, that is correct \n4. (so, ignoring for the moment anything else that has touched a person, my paper hand towel has to go into landfill?) ~~indeed, yes \n5. ~~and what's more, you've been handling contaminated waste \n6. ~~So you'll have to wash your hands \n

#172 Instrument

1. (try this one, sir?) [hmm, not sure about that one] \n2. (this model was used by the Finnish champion) [no, not really] \n3. (this one has reinforced frets) [well...] \n4. (or how about something a little unusual?) [I don't think this is really me] \n5. (I confess I am running out of ideas, sir) \n6. [I had no idea it was so complicated to choose an air guitar] \n

#179 Idolise

1. (there!) \n2. (finished our biggest commission to date; and just on time too!) \n3. (now for the finishing touches) boop beep beep bip bap \n4. (hello, Mr. Bulezebub?) -yes? (I've an urgent job - thirteen posed hands by Friday) \n5. [it's no problem for me at all. You can relax and leave it to the expert] -that's a big relief Mr. Bulezebub [after all...] \n6. [...the Devule makes hands for idol-work] \n

#178 Lost Again

1. (I don't _believe_ it) \n2. (where _is_ _it_?) \n3. (I've done it _again_) \n4. (I've _lost_ my jar...) \n5. \n6. (...of vanishing cream) \n

Revolutionary...

#173 Hallowe'en

Happy Hallowe'en from the folks at the Invisibulia Canal & Waterways Authority -- DANGER WEIR were \n

#169 Inclemental

1. (what are you up to?) [I'm installing solar panels] \n2. (but that's crazy -- those things are really expensive!) [I know] \n3. (and Invisibulia gets far more electricity than it can use from hydroelectricity) [I know] \n4. (and our government even gives us free power) [I know, I'm merely preparing] \n5. (for what?) \n6. [for a rainy day] \n

Oops. Invisibule comic invisible.

#174 Spaces

1. The Wide Open SPACES of Invisibulia ~ a tourist guide \n2. desert spaces \n3. ocean spaces \n4. mountain spaces \n5. grassland spaces \n6. [13 spaces / FULL] parking spaces \n

#175 Mondegreen

1. (I did so much want to walk across your land) [well, you can] \n2. (but you said I couldn't) [no, I said you could] \n3. (you said I'd have to ask the Pope!) [I said no such thing] \n4. (so why did you tell me to write to Rome, then?) \n5. \n6. [I said you had the right to roam] \n

#176 Eggs is Eggs

1. (You are accused of stealing eggs from the supermarket. What do you have to say for yourself) \n2. [It was a mistake your honour] \n3. (How could it be a mistake?) \n4. [Well, first I saw the premium range organic eggs, but I thought pthey were far too dear] \n5. [Then I saw the economy range eggs, but they were still a bit pricey] \n6. [And then I saw the free range eggs...] \n

#180 Gardener

1. (I can't believe how petty my neighbours are) [why, what's up] \n2.(well, I built myself a rock garden) [sounds harmless] \n3.(exactly. I wanted to install my Alpine plants in the proper conditions) [but they objected?] \n4.(yes, said I blocked out the light) \n5. \n6. [how high is this Alpine garden?] (only _low_ Alps, 2000 metres or so...) \n

#181 Magnetic Personality

1. (I bought these _fantastic_ fridge magnets) [really?] \n2. (they are so strong they bend space-time around the fridge) [is that good?] \n3. (yes, and no) \n4. (it means the food keeps for _ages_) [and the down side?] \n5. \n6. (I'm now my own grandfather) \n

#182 Expressionism

1. (You pushed me over!) \n2. [Well, you told me to] \n3. (no I didn't!) \n4. [You said "knock me sideways" -- so I did] \n5. (but it's just an expression...) \n6. (...I didn't mean it _laterally_) \n

#183 Rapture

1. (mmmm) [how's that?] \n2. (yes baby, do it) \n3. (again -- do it to me now!) \n4. (oh I love the way you do that!) \n5. (oh yes! right there! oh yes!) \n6. (gasp) [you know, I think that neck massage course was really good value] \n

Invisibules on Edmund Finney

#184 Predictable

1. (By my dark arts of divinitation, I see you are a musician) [amazing! what else do you see?] \n2. (I see you play in a band...) [yes, go on] \n3. (I see -- a tabla) [yes!] (a bandura) [yes!] \n4. (a beautiful singer and...) [yes!] \n5. (...a sitar!) \n6. [hmm, close but no sitar] \n

#185 Miraculous

1. BEHOLD UNBULIEVERS -- I, BULE, WILL PERFORM MIRACULES FOR YOU \n2. SEE ME WALK ON WATER \n3. NOW I TURN WATER INTO WINE \n4. NOW DRINK! sorry about the plastic cup \n5. (we're not drinking that!) WHY NOT? IS THE BEST WINE! \n6. (you've been walking on it) \n

#186 Organisation

1. (where were you?) [when?] \n2. (at the meeting!) [what meeting?] \n3. (that's three times in a row you've forgotten) \n4. [it's my doctor's fault] \n5. (how so?) \n6. [he said I should avoid all diary products] \n

#187 Graphicule

1. propensity for graph jokes / LEGEND Invisibules / age of comic (number of published issues) / 187 / (projected) \n

Flying Rhino's Happy Birthday

#187 Fearless

1. [hello, Fearlessman! What's the matter?] \n2. (I laughed in the face of fear!) \n3. (I laughed in the face of danger!) \n4. (I laughed at death!) \n5. [yes?] \n6. (then I was thrown out of the cinema) \n

#189 Nutrition

1. (tonight on "food" we talk to a fruitarian. Hello) [hello] \n2. (so you only eat fruit) [yes, that's right] \n3. (it must be difficult) [no, it's amazing what you can do with good ingredients] \n4. (so, for example, what did you eat this evening?) [oranges] \n5. (sounds nice, but not too filling) [well, the secret is in the sauce -- it's my own invention...] \n6. [orange a la duck] \n

#190 Helmet

1. (I can't believe it!) \n2. (I've done it AGAIN) [done what?] \n3. (walked all the way to the bike shed, and left my helmet in the office) [how annoying!] \n4. (I wish I could think of a system to remind me) [yes...] \n5. [...if only there were a way...] \n6. [...to attach it to your head] \n

#191 Hair Share

1. (why are you wearing that paper bag over your head?) \n2. [I'm growing my hair long for charity] \n3. (why?) [to donate it to little girls who have no hair because of medical procedures] \n4. (that's no reason to be embarrassed) [but I am] \n5. (take that bag off now!) [well, if you insist] \n6. \n

New animation

#192 Self Service

1. Supermarket Self Service: select personality: 1. HAL 2. Marvin (the paranoid android) 3. **Dalek** 4. Matrix (I have a bad feeling about this) \n2. \n3. \n4. (BUT I _DID_) \n5. zzzt \n6. NEVER ARGUE WITH A MACHINE -- THAT CONTROLS A LASER \n

#193 Appearances

1. [hello!] (hello! Didn't I see you at the Bule Temple Sanctification rituals last week?) \n2. [yes, I was there] (how strange) \n3. [not really, my family were founder members of the restoration fund raising committtee] (I find that hard to believe) \n4. [why's that?] \n5. (well, it's just that...) \n6. (you don't _look_ Bulish) \n

#194 Banana

1. (hello!) [hello!] \n2. (friendly warning...) [what's that?] \n3. (mind the banana skin in panel #4) [ok, thanks] \n4. \n5. [phew!] \n6. [thanks for the tip!] (you're welcome) \n

#195 Hyper-real

1. (it's nice here) (it is) \n2. (when I need to get away from reality TV) \n3. (just to relax and watch Reality Reality instead) \n4. (ahhh...) \n5. \n6. (and it's _nearly_ as real as Reality TV) \n

#196 Death and Damnation

1. THOSE OF YOU WHO ANGER ME \n2. SHALL TASTE OF MY FURY! \n3. I SHALL DESTROY THEE AND THY SEED \n4. AND DAMN THEE UNTO THE SEVENTH GENERATION \n5. FOR I AM BULE AND I HAVE SPOKEN! \n6. DAMN THESE BLOODY WEEDS \n

#197 More Death and Damnation

1. I AM _BULE_ \n2. I WILL NOT TOLERATE DISOBEDIENCE \n3. THOSE WHO DEFY MY \n4. SHALL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES \n5. WHETHER MAN, WOMAN, BEAST OR... \n6. BLACKBERRY BUSH! \n

#198 Zoological

1. The next cage on our zoo tour is that of the Hodgkinson's Lesser Pellicule. \n2. you may get a glimpse, but it is a very small bird... \n3. ...that likes to hide in the shrubbery \n4. and it is invisibule \n5. and we suspect that... \n6. we haven't got one \n

#199 Proportion

1. (NO!) \n2. (I don't BELIEVE it!) \n3. (I've lost it AGAIN!) \n4. (NO! NO! NO! NO!) (NO! *#@%! NO!) \n5. (AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH) [what have you lost?] \n6. (my sense of proportion) \n

#200 Flower Power

1. Guide to the Language of Flowers \n2. Love \n3. Rejection \n4. My wife doesn't understand me the way you do \n5. Tuesday, half past four. Be ready. Bring the goods. \n6. please, water me \n

Chomp - stop motion animation

#201 The Larch

1. Enter: a messenger, out of breath... (o larch!) [who are you?] \n2. (a messenger! I bring bad news! Ramorum disease has reached Western Cumbria, and this way comes fast apace. No Larch tree is safe) \n3. [bad news indeed! what can I do to save myself and my young saplings?] \n4. (there is only one course for you - you must run while there is still time!) \n5. \n6. \n

Diary - Admission

can I borrow your door card? \nsure, here! \nhere - have it back. I couldn't get anything for it.

Invisibule Man

#202 Champagne

1. (hi! how was your hot date?) \n2. [not so hot actually] \n3. (so you didn't manage to impress her?) [not in a strictly positive sense, no...] \n4. [I offered to drink Champagne from her shoe...] (that seems very romantic to me) \n5. \n6. [and then I noticed she was wearing flip-flops] \n

2011-09-10 Broads

2011-09-12 Katia

2011-09-16 Fish, flesh and fowls

#203 Sleepy

1. (hi -- how was your conference paper?) \n2. [lousy -- I'm never going to present to the Narcoleptics Society again] \n3. (was it THAT bad?) [absolutely! First slot after a big lunch] \n4. and in a warm room too.] \n5.[and four people in the FRONT ROW] \n6. [...stayed awake through the whole talk] \n

Neutralisation

1. 2022, and the Earth is under threat from two directions: the Yellowstone volcano from within (rumble rumble) \n2. and asteroid 2019 QT6 from without \n3. Luckily the World Space Agency has a plan \n4. \n5. \n6. PLOP!

2011-09-27 Espresso

- Andrew \n- yes \n- ... I forgot to sign for coffee ... will you tick me off? \n- ok! -- *Really* M__, you _must_try_ not to forget quite so often! \n(sniggers)

2011-09-28 Nutritional Supplement

2011-09-29 Predator Predator

Messing around in boats

Small Print

2011-10-02 Zoologists

Jenkins, are you _sure_ you're qualified for zoological work?

Cyclist

2011-10-05 Apex

2011-10-07 Focal Length

2011-10-12 Office Help

2011-10-17 Unforgettable Moments

Do you, Emily Jenkins, take this man... \n \n'old on a mo' Madge, this bloke's asking me questions...

2011-10-18 Karen...

2011-10-18 Cat Woman

Cat woman! famous throughout the land! No matter how tough the situation, or what perils may lurk, cat woman would always rise to the challenge... her mobile signal was _always_ good.

2011-10-22 Computer Language

1. why is A____ humping his computer? \n2. do you know how to tell when computers orgasm? \n3. \n4. beep beep beep beep beep beep \n \n

2011-10-26 Engineering - more than just a job

funny, my email has disappeared...

2011-10-28 Rain, dear

"It must have rained more than we thought last night, dear."

2011-11-05 FUN

FUN at the MUSEUM \nFUN! science activities \nlearn chemica... and have FUN \nIS EVERYBODY HAVING FUN? \ncan't I just ENJOY things, without having F.U.N.?? \n

2011-11-06 The Diet of Worms

No!! I've spilt the pepper! \nnever mind - I'll give it to the compost worms \n... \nAchooo!

2011-11-10 The Woods and Her White Face

The woods and her white face

2011-11-12 The House of Bricks

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!" \n"Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!" \n"Then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!"

2011-11-15 Humans

little pig: ...no, but seriously, wolves have these sharp teeth, and they're cunning! \nbilly goat gruff: yeah, but trolls - they are much more vicious, I mean... \ndaddy bear: excuse me - I couldn't help overhearing you, but the very worst are the little girls. \nblind mouse: actually...

2011-11-17 Stock Options

- My company is investing heavily in stocks \n- That's a bold financial strategy, isn't it? \n- no, more of a staff retention strategy

2011-11-28 Bears

yes, I _do_ like bears, BUT ...

2011-11-30 Off Piste

birds can't ski on roof tiles... \n \nbut that's why we have solar panels.

#204 Cake and Eat it

1. (Did you hear about Adam's birthday?) [no...] \n2. (well, his wife ate all his birthday cake!) [wow -- I bet he was angry!] \n3. (no, not really. he loves her very much...) \n4. (and she is very cute.) \n5. \n6. (...and he made a good comic out of it) [aha!] \n

2011-12-03 Baleen

I found my krill \nOn Blueberry Hill

2011-12-05 Succussion

1. (oh no! the city!) \n2. (it's the Placebo Kid.) (he'll save us!) \n3. (We just need everyone to take enough of these homeopathic remedies... hurry!) \n4. {mmm -- these humans taste /so/ much better with sugar pills!}

2011-12-10 Just In Case

TRAVELCASH RESTAURANT \nMenu: We buy We sell \nchicken 2.46 3.20 \npeas 0.52 0.65 \nchips 1.00 1.10 \ngravy 0.20 0.30 \ncommission 15% \n \nexcellent choices sir! \nand would sir like to choose our zero commission buyback option?

2011-12-10 Off One's Trolley

Where roller-skates come from

2011-12-13 Whether...

"Well, at least it's not raining."

2011-12-20 Lexical Ambiguity

Adam's Animal Barber \n \nDoug's Animal Barber

2011-12-29 Armour

Do you have /this/ one in a 36" chest? \n \n \nSpecial GREAVES 2 for 1

#205 Necessity

1. (You cooked your husband!) [no yer 'onour!] \n2. ['e just fell -- into the 'ot wash] \n3. (but you were found -- stirring him!) \n4. [yes yer 'onour -- 'e were boilin' to death] \n5. [an' no way for meto save 'im!] \n6. [I /'ad/ to do /something/] \n

2012-01-01 Happy New Year

(just a drawing of a dragon)

#206 Beauty

1. [hi! how's things?] (great! I ran a beauty contest on the beach yesterday) \n2. [but it poured all day yesterday] (yes -- but we had a record turnout) \n3. [how so?] (my theory is people are hardier than we think...) \n4. (...capable of ignoring mere discomfort in the service of art) \n5. \n6. (or it's because of the rice-paper swimming costume round) \n

#207 Buoyancy

1. \n2. \n3. () \n4. \n5.() () \n6. (lookout! shark!) (what?) \n

#208 Bule's Plan

1. All praise to BULE -- creator of Invisibulia... (mwahaha - my evule plan is complete!) \n2. (first -- the rocks.) \n3. (-- "fossils" cunningly deployed in strata) \n4. (-- so they'll invent "evolution" and then I'll be able to punish them for it! \n5. (and now my masterwork two volume book... [vols I &er; II BiBULE from all good bookshops!) \n6. (...to make them think I care about them!) CHUCKLE \n

#209 Medieval

1. (Hello, is that the medieval society?) \n2. ~yes sir, it is (I'd like to join, please) \n3. ~sorry, we disbanded in 1517 (what a pity) \n4. ~I can put you on the waiting list, and if the dark ages begin again... \n5. ~we'll send you a letter. \n6. ~if we can find anyone who can write \n

2012-01-16 In Denial

- My company requests permission to set up a pyramid scheme in your country, O Pharaoh \n- Over my dead body \n- So, dammit, your whole mision to arrange future appointments in Nubia was fruitless? \n- Not quite, sir, we have some dates

2012-01-15 Waypost my Bedtime

... \nthere it is again. \n-- I'm /sure/ that waypost is following us

2012-01-21 And That's an Order

1. \n2. hey, waiter! \n3. yes, sir? \n4. where's my Bolognese? \n5. Bolognese, sir? \n6. I thought you said /Polonaise/

2012-01-29 Sam

Sam was a man \ngrinned his grin \ndone his chores \nlay him down \nsleep well

#210 Fish bone

1. (hey, waiter!) [yes, sir?] \n2. (there's a bone in my fish soup) \n3. [I'll inform the chef, sir] \n4. [sir, chef says you must expect the occasional bone] \n5. (I see. Well in that case please tell the chef from me...) \n6. (whale is not a fish) \n

2012-01-24 The Bat Mobile

No, Robin, this is /not/ what I meant

2012-02-13 Snow Joke

Karen thought that it was starting to look less and less like the Cowley Road. She wondered if she'd /ever/ catch a no. 5 bus into town.

2012-02-18 Neighbours

I'm not telling him. If his party is annoying you then /you/ tell him.

2011-10-16 Convenience

#211 Sleeves

1. Eccles and Bluebottle are in a tight spot... (Now, don't you worry, youngBluebottle, we're not done for yet!) \n2. [Oh Eccles! I'm glad you are here. Do you have something up your sleeve?] \n3. (yes, Bluebottle, I /do/ have something up my sleeve!) [assumes awe-struck pose... golly! wise Eccles, /what/ do you have up your sleeve?] \n4. (... my leg!) \n5. [incredible, Eccles, how do you think of these things?] \n6. (I put my shirt on upside-down) \n

2012-02-26 Optimism

[How to make comics] \n"If you're short of ideas, just start drawing the first panel, and the rest will come!"

2012-03-14 Triglycerides

[Bio Active Happy Cow Full Cream Yoghurt] \nTall thin Yoghurt \n \n[Low Calorie Virtually Fat Free DIET YOGHURT] \nLow fat yoghurt

2017-05-07 Itchy and Knee in Mixed Response

Knee: Here Itchy! I've opened the box of assorted biscuits. \nItchy: Thanks, Knee! \nItchy: Just a minute... \nItchy: ...THIS biscuit isn't assorted.

2012-03-24 Alternative

1. ...and there's no need to worry, as we offer the full range of complimentary therapies \n2. No! The word is COMPL/E/MENTARY \n3. oh, and how do /you/ know which spelling I chose? \n4. BECAUSE // this is a comic \n5. Nevertheless, I chose my spelling advisedly \n6. May I say what a fine jacket you're wearing?

2012-03-24 Nomenclature

1. \n2. c'mon everybody! LET'S CRAWL \n3. to the UGLY BUG Ball! \n4. clap your feet! \n5. shake your... \n6. ...you know, that thing that's got the thing on it with all the little hairs on the end...

2012-03-28 Ancient Enemies

CHOMP!

2012-04-04 Darth the Peacemaker

1. - "Die, you thieving son of a camel train operator" \n- "I'll get you for this -- I swear!" \n2. Meanwhile, on the Death Star... \n- bang! phut! phut! shudder! bang! HALT \n- pof! \n- "Damn you, Luke" \n- "This is /so/ embarrassing" \n- "Hey Hussein! It's Darth Vader!" \n- "I thought he'd be bigger than that, Mo" \n- "I think I'm sitting on my light sabre" \n

2012-04-06 Luck

Diary Mon 14th \n10am Miss Hood (NB. And /GRANDMA/!) \n12noon Pig Family - architectural survey, structural soundness? \n3 Peter (Pyotr?) - also side dishes of duck, bird, cat? grandpa? \n \nWolfie felt that at long last his luck was turning. Today was going to be a fabulous day.

2012-04-09 Sparky

Electrician: I'm pretty sure that's your problem -- no Earth connection.

2012-04-15 Rabbit

"In other news, scientists announced today that they believe they have conclusively proved that rabbits' feet are not lucky."

No Comics Today

2012-04-20 Hardware

-- morning! \n-- Morning Sir! What can I get for you? \n-- long-handled axe, please? \n-- certainly, sir. Anything else? \n-- a chainsaw and a flame-thrower. Please. \n-- I'll get you some fuel for these, too \n-- a set of large kitchen knives \n-- a high-voltage power supply; four metres of piano wire and ten of stout cord; a nail gun; a box of firelighters; a dozen bottles of gin; an electric winch; a bottle of compressed air; and... \n-- ...two litres of concentrated sulphuric acid. Please. \n-- There you are sir, all wrapped. \n-- Oh, I almost forgot! ...A packet of aspirin -- 64 please \n-- \n-- sorry sir -- I can only sell you 32 of those. They're dangerous.

2012-04-28 Rhino Lutenist

Heist at the Ashmolean

2012-05-02 Vegetable Scouts

Join the Vegetable Scouts! \n \nBe Prepared!

2012-05-09 Service in Looe

We're in Looe in Cornwall... \n \nBatter & Batter / Fried Fish / All fish BATTERED while you wait / Fish and Chips / Salt and Battery \n \nPAPA NINO \nfish grilled turbot bream FRESH! OPEN \n- at last! \n \n- so nice to find a place which doesn't only batter fish! \n- thank you, sir! \n \n- fried fish and chips twice, please \nWALLOP!

2012-05-11 Engineering - more than just a job (2)

Lansallos beach, Cornwall \n- great beach! with a stream running down to the sea... \n \n- when I was a boy, if we went to the beach I'd spend the whole time building dams, routeing the water around -- I'd always end up with a sunburnt back - and a white face \n \n- for example, I'd try to divert the stream to the other side of the rock... \n \n- I could use this rock... \n \nhalf an hour later... \n~ now just some more sand here...

2012-05-10 Pet Punctuation

Fetch the ball boy!

Drawing

2012-06-02 Sunflower

this sunflower isn't doing very well. I thought it might help to leave it in the pot, but now I'm going to try releasing it into the wild.

2012-06-10 The Smiley Half of the Banana

2012-06-11 Vatican

Welcome to Vatican City \nPopeulation: 1

2012-06-18 Tent

Now is the window of our discount tent made glorious summer?

2012-07-16 Otmoor

1. Looks deep - we'll have to wade through \n2. well, that wasn't too bad \n3. MOMENTS LATER... \n4. terrible -- all my fields underwater. I blame the Environment Agency. That water's all from the overflowing sewage treatment - that's why the water's so brown.

2012-08-15 Uncertain Parentage

Little boy - hello! \nLB - I caught a fish! \nKaren - do you fish a lot? \nLB - yes! I caught lots of fish! \nLB - ? \nLB - is he your dad?

2012-08-28 Bad Breath

1. \n2. Blow into the bag, please sir. \n3. Breathalyse? What did I do wrong? \n4. No, not a breathalyser Sir, it's carbon sequestration.

2012-09-05 Fruit Salad Revolution

Carnivore? Carnivore? Course I'm a bleedin' carnivore! What do you take me for? A fruitarian?

2012-09-16 Hippotherapist

Hippotherapist \nTogether we can change your life \nCan't POO in your POOL? \nMud glorious mud

2012-09-23 Mushroom

No, Sir, I regret to say we do not have the wild mushroom risotto today, Sir.

2012-10-06 Purpose in Life

No, Mother! \nOf course my life has purpose! \nWho else is going to keep my iPad charged?

2012-10-29 Grandeur

Darling, I've forgotten where the front door is, again.

2012-11-04 Avocado Man 1/5

1. Frightened by an especially acerbic lemon at the age of 3... \n[Lemon: can't you just play with GUNS like any normal child?] fizz! \nBoy stuff \n \n2. ...Jimmy Jones /metamorphoses/: \ngoes on a cordon-bleu course during the summer holidays; \nstudies hotel management at one of the more vocational universities; \npays off his student loan and becomes... \n \n3. Avocado Man! \nzzzzzz \nRIPEN AT HOME \n \n4. ...pledged to keep avocado-based nutrition on the agenda throughout North London and the home counties. Now READ ON... \n(Nigel: Jocasta! We've got carrot sticks left, but there's no hummus!) \n(Jocasta: *#!%!) \n \n5. (Jocasta: But M&S will be closed in five minutes - so it's too late to send Maria out for more in the 4x4) \nWHAT CAN WE DO? \n

2012-11-04 Avocado Man 2/5

1. Meanwhile... \n{avocado: uh - I'm sensing LEVEL 12 dip-distress in NW8!} \n \n2. FWOOP! \n \n3. Moments later... \n4. \n5. \n6. CRASH!

2012-11-04 Avocado Man 3/5

1. THUD \n2. (Nigel: are you all right?)(Nigel: Hey! Jocasta! It's Mr Tambourine Man!) \n3. (AM: thanks - actually it's "Avocado Man") \n \n4. (AM: As I thought! A serious case of no-dip-left!) \n \n5. (Nigel: can you help us?) \n(AM: Don't worry! I'm AVOCADO man!) \n \n6. (AM: bring me tomatoes, chillies, coriander leaves, onion, salt, pepper... and a lime)

2012-11-04 Avocado Man 4/5

1. (AM: My avocadoes were squashed in the crash... but luckily that won't matter for...) \n \n2. GUACAMOLE! (GASP!) (BRILLIANT!) (my HERO!) \n \n3. see how finely he chops those leaves! \nwhat skill with the pepper mill! \nsee him DICE with onions \n \n4. (AM: Nearly finished...) \n \n5. (AM: wait! - something's wrong!) \n \n6. (AM: where's the lime?)

2012-11-04 Avocado Man 5/5

1. (Jocasta: Sorry Avocado Man - Nigel used the last LIME in the mojitos) \n \n2. (J: would LEMON do?) \n \n3. AM: NO! \n \n4. Lemon: I'm coming for you - Avocado Man! \n \n5. (AM: Mummy!) \n \n6. How will Avocado Man get revenge? Don't miss the next lightly chilled episode!

2012-11-13 Marvo

This time I promise to put your head back the right way round, ok?

2012-11-25 Mozart

Too many newts Herr Mozart

2012-11-08 The Sound of Magic

1. \n2. \n3 [suddenly...] POP! \nK: What was /that/? \n \n4. A: /That/ was the sound of magic disappearing

2012-12-05 Spotted

Gary realised it was only a matter of time before his deception was detected. \n \nBut in the meantime here was an interesting puzzle: Who was that mysterious, tall stranger?

Hands off our Internet

Hands off our Internet! \nInternet is a force for democracy \n-- tell your government to leave it that way! \n...we don't have much time...

2012-12-10 Grand

Tips for musicians \nCoping with cheap venues no. 14: \nwhen no grand piano is provided

2012-12-22 Cake

[demure young woman / \ngrabs large slice of chocolate cake with candle on / shoves cake into mouth / licks off chocolate around her mouth / smiles serenely / grins evilly / ... repeats]

2012-12-14 Mixed Up

L: What /are/ you doing? \nR: Separating my muesli. \nL: Why? \nR: So I can eat each constituent separately, and avoid the ones I don't like altogether. \nL: But you mixed that muesli yourself...

2013-01-09 UP

Some regarded their love as 'unfortunate' but in a way they were lucky; his family were in the balloon business and the supply was to all intents and purposes limitless.

2013-01-13 Chopper to the Choppers

1. No! No! \n2. CRUNCH \n3. Poor bastard! All his teeth knocked out with a chopper! \n4. I'd say a clear case of axe-dental death...

2017-05-01 Dogged

Observe, my dear Watson - the Baskerville hound may have given us the slip this time. But now we have a lead.

2013-01-19 Late Cretaceous

TYRANNOSAURUS, despite having the most powerful bite of any animal, was nevertheless rather poorly adapted for tennis. \n \nThey are also known to have been rather sore losers.

2013-01-28 Stickler

That new boss is a stickler for accuracy! \n \nI'll have to dot my i's and cross my t's \n \nAnd cover my r's

2013-01-27 Trials

... but mum, I don't /want/ to eat everything in my path.

2013-03-16 Painful

1. I can't walk into town with aching legs -- I'll take a pain killer \n2. Why don't you take the bus \n3. ... \n4. I doubt we'd have a glass of water big enough.

2013-03-09 The Newt Rhino

2013-02-23 Rhinoceros & Harp

[Rhinoceros playing a harp]

2013-03-19 The Real Newt-Rhino

2013-03-26 Perennial

Yes, we come back here to the same spot every year... \nIt's so /unspoilt/ -- they don't speak a /word/ of daffodil.

2013-04-14 Faringdon's Folly

Please do not feed the giraffes.

2013-04-18 Windy

Probably a bit too windy for optimal cycling.

2013-04-23 Showdown at the Rice Krispie corral

SNAP! \nCRACKLE! \nPOP! \n(or in Finnish: RIKS! RAKS! POKS!)

2013-04-27 Smoothie

This smoothie is gaining on me!

2013-05-04 Privatisation

999 calling... \nRING RING \nThank you for calling NHS Direct PLC Premium-Plus-Extra service... \n \n... All of our customer representatives are busy, but we will answer your call as soon as our shareholders allow. Your illness is important to us. Please hold the line... \n \nWhile you're waiting, why not take a couple of aspirins? \n \nDid you know that with NHS Direct PLC's Extra-Super Service you pay for two illnesses and get the third absolutely free? \n \nGet that heart bypass operation you've always wanted, on easy terms with NHS Direct PLC...

2013-05-12 Ice Age Art at the British Museum

2013-05-20 Royal Ballet School of Motoring

Now second... \nand up into third... \nthen smoothly plie \nand back for the da capo

2013-05-27 There's a GIRAFFE in my sketchbook

There's a GIRAFFE in my sketchbook

2013-06-04 Balloonist

no no no! I /don't/ doubt your ballooning qualifications!

2013-06-23 Giraffe Riders

Giraffe Riders \ncowboys on giraffes, riding hard through the desert, firing pistols. Vultures watch with interest (and ear defenders). Cactus, lizards and bleached bones in the sand.

2013-06-24 Giraffe Riders coming in to town!

Giraffe-riding cowboy holds a smoking cigar, fixes us with a stare from his orange eyes down over his fine, black handlebar moustache, while the giraffe in the background cheekily bites his black cowboy hat.

2013-06-25 Giraffe Riders 3 - All Aboard

Cowboy gingerly scales the tall boarding steps to his giraffe. A hostess-cowgirl holds his boarding card. An air-traffic-controller-cowboy is ready with his ping-pong bats.

2013-06-26 Giraffe Riders 4 - Watering

Two horses and one giraffe, parked at the rail outside of a Wild West saloon bar.

2013-06-27 Giraffe Riders 5 - Fearless

The giraffe rider leaps, clad only in his hat and carrying his pistol, from his racy lady's 3rd storey hotel window to the neck of his passing trusty giraffe. The sheriff is naturally looking for him, but in the wrong direction. An elderly lady looks on shocked, possibly at the near-nudity, but perhaps only concerned about this dashing fellow's perilous leap?

2013-06-28 Giraffe Riders 6 - Unstoppable

Above, a giraffe rider out-manoeuvres a cactus plant by leaping over it. Below, the giraffe rider crosses a body of water. The giraffe is a successful snorkeller, but only the rider's hat floats above the water.

2013-06-29 Giraffe Riders 7 - Unstoppable? Almost

The giraffe and rider encounter a low bridge. In the effort to stop in time both air brake parachutes and an anchor are employed. The rider barely manages to hang on.

Itchy & Knee in Ringers

Itchy & Knee in Ringers \n1. I & K come across an object in a field \n2. K: what is it? \n3. I: It's a cow bell! \n4. To K's surprise, I rings the bell wildly \n5. CLANG! \n6. (A cow appears, with jacket and holding a towel) : You rang?

2013-07-06 Itchy & Knee in Ironing

1. Real Men(TM) don't buy "Easy-Iron" shirts \n(Itchy effortlessly irons a shirt using just one finger whilst watching TV. Big red cross) \n2. - Preferring instead the kudos of "Hard-to-iron" wear. \n(Knee is kneeling in the wreckage of the ironing board, his head bleeding. He tries to protect himself his hands as an animated shirt flings the iron at his head. Big green tick) \n3. - or the extreme glory of the "downright un-ironable" \n(Itchy proudly displays his extremely crinkled attire. Big green tick and yellow star!) \n4 And don't get me started on "Easy Repayments" \n(Knee is gripped by the throat and held off the ground, in the giant maw of a thug about to wallop him with a cosh. The thug's sleeveless vest says "EASY IRON")

2013-07-14 Itchy & Knee in The Family Tayberry

Subtitled "Part 18: The Harvest Home!" \n \nItchy and Knee appear as monks in pseudo renaissance / medieval trompe l'oeil room, with a tayberry hunt and annunciatory cherubs blowing trumpets and flutes. Anachronisms abound. Itchy bears the single tayberry on a golden cushion. Knee awaits, with a carving knife and fork to receive the berry. Is Itchy safe? \n \nNext time: The Grand Carving

2013-08-04 Shower

Guests Please Note: \nThe shower drains a little more slowly than is usual.

2013-08-17 Itchy & Knee in The Toothbrush

1. [2am] Itchy snores: zzzzzz \n2. [suddenly...] bz! bzzz! bz! bz! bz! bzz! \n3. Toothbrush: bz bzzz bz \nItchy thinks: {hmm?} \n4. [Later...] \nItchy: but what can it mean? \n5. Knee: it's my belief that your electric toothbrush has become SENTIENT! \n6. Knee: I think it's trying to tell us something. \nToothbrush: bzzz bz bzz bzz bzzz bzzz bzzzz bz bzzz bz bz bz bzzz bz \n7: Itchy: What on Earth could it be saying? \nKnee: Leave it to me. \n8: Knee reading "MORSE CODE for Cartoon Characters" (also read "SEMAPHORE for Leprechauns" \n9: Toothbrush: bzzz bz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bz bz bzzz \nKnee writing on notepad. Says: GOT IT! \n10: Notepad says in morse and text: YOUR BREATH SME??

2013-09-09 Itchy & Knee in PANIC

1. Aagh! No! No! No! HELP! \n2. I Don't believe it! \n3. I've broken the Panic Button!

2013-09-16 Itchy & Knee in Sharing

1. Knee: Itchy, it's my turn to ride the bike! Itchy! \n2. Itchy: Oh. OK. But... \n3. Itchy: it's my turn to wear the helmet.

2013-09-22 Up My Sleeve

Ladies and gentlemen observe \n-- there is nothing up my sleeve \n-- except my arm, ho ho! \n \nwait a minute, this isn't my arm...

2013-09-09 Itchy & Knee in Bacon and Moore

II: So you enjoyed the Henry Moor, Itchy? \nI: Oh yes, Knee. And you liked the Francis Bacon?

2013-10-06 Itchy & Knee in Ontology

Itchy: 'Tis! \nKnee: Tisane!

2013-11-18 Salami

Salami. \nIdiot! I said "Salome"!

2013-12-24 Bottoms Up

Sexy female rhino with lipstick and red ribbons, curled up on a pink sofa, posterior to the anterior, with wine and chocolates. A copy of Albrecht Durer's Rhinoceros is on the wall behind, with the title "Uncle Albrecht".

2013-12-26 Paisley Ninja

1. PAISLEY NINJA [Paisley Ninja, dressed in paisley clothes, executes some nifty moves] \n2. (Ha! Stupid Paisley Ninja! We can see you a mile off!) [more moves with the katana] \n3. [Paisley Ninja looks very sad] \n4. [Paisley Ninja slumps on a sofa decorated with paisleys that match his outfit] \n5. [Paisley Ninja neatly beheads his detractors, much to their surprises]

2014-01-01 Happy New Year from invisibules.org

Happy new year from invisibules.org \nPicture is of a reticulated giraffe, nesting in a tree, with a couple of eggs visible.

2014-02-15 Elephant and Bee

an elephant is scared by a bee

2014-03-03 Itchy & Knee in "2B"

Itchy and Knee play on the swings and roundabouts. In their usual style they play too hard, and go flying. After a near-miss in mid-air they manage to land safely, if awkwardly, on the still swinging and spinning rides, having now swapped places with each other. Caption: The swings and roundabouts of outrageous fortune.

2014-03-04 Sucker

1. "Feeling lucky today, sucker?" (evil-looking cowboy black-hat challenges, but we don't see whom.) \n2. "Draw!" (cowboy draws a pair of secateurs, intending to prune a wall-plant.)

2014-03-16 Platinum

I draw the white rhinoceros \nwith colours dull and grimy -- \nfor if I used some brighter tones \nhis hide would be too shiny.

2014-04-03 Destiny

1. old man looks at cards and frets \n2. younger mafia type sits back and relaxes. Lots of poker chips in play. \n3. Old man: "aw heck! I call! What you got, Jesus?" \n4. Jesus: "three kings" \n5 Old man: "Dammit Jesus, you /always/ got three kings turn up." \n Jesus: "yup, Noah, gues I always do. What about you?" \n6. Noah: "I got two of each kind" \n

2014-03-26 Itchy & Knee in Big Game Hunt

Itchy and Knee in BIG GAME HUNT \n \nKnee: It's been two weeks, Itchy. I don't think we'll ever find your giant monopoly set.

2014-04-13 Scariest beast

Tyrannosaurus Rex - King of the late Cretaceous. \n12 metres long, with the Strongest Bite of any animal. \nMore scary than any biscuit.

2014-04-18 Jam side down -- Science!

1. You will need 1 slice of bread, jam and a knife. \n2. Cut the bread to make a triangle with two 45-degree angles. \n3. Spread jam liberally on one side only. \n4. Hold jam-side-up, about 1m [39 in.] above the floor... \n5. ...and release. \n6. Observe. We have demonstrated Momentum of Angular Conserve.

2014-05-14 Itchy & Knee in Wandering

Itchy: sigh \nItchy: ohhhh \nItchy: groan \nKnee: What's up Itchy? \nItchy: Nothing, why? \nKnee: You've been wandering around the house sighing all day. \nItchy: No I haven't. I have a perfectly well defined itinerary.

2014-05-18 The Function of Love

"I love() you too;"

2014-06-12 Itchy and Knee in Rabbit Surprise

1. Itchy rides a rabbit! Yeehaw! \n2. Knee is in a restaurant. The menu says "Today's special: saddle of Rabbit". Knee's bowl contains a saddle. Knee calls angrily "hey, waiter!"

2014-06-25 Irrevocable

1. MISSILE COMMAND \nLAUNCH launch button pressed) \n2. Military operator looking sheepish \n3. undo button pressed

2014-07-31 YUM

A hiker has serious trouble with a packet of biscuits.

2014-08-10 Itchy and Knee in Blood Bath

(Itchy is looking frightened, waving a knife and apparently covered in blood) Knee: Oh no, Itchy! What have you done? \nItchy (licking his lips): Blackberry and apple crumble...

2014-08-14 Liquor

Holy man: nay wicked harlot, tempt me not! I am foresworn! Not a drop of your evil liquor shall pass my lips. \nAt least, not until I've finished this course of antibiotics. \n

2014-08-17 Tautology

Lecturer on propositional calculus. \nStudent: this logic course is too hard. If only Tautology Man were here! \nSuddenly: gasp \nStudent: Tautology Man! You're here! \nTautology Man: yes! I, Tautology Man, am here! \nStudent: and so...? \nTautology Man: and so, I'm here!

2014-08-25 Apostrophe

Behold! My child of Evil -- APOSTROPHE \nReleased into the world, to cause mischief and dissent! \nMwa ha ha ha! \nNothing can resist it's vicious influence!

2014-08-28 Sunflower

Young woman plants a sunflower seed. After many trials the sunflower reaches maturity. Then things start to get out of control.

2014-09-07 Itchy and Knee in Sadism

Itchy: Knee STOP IT! Stop trying to please me! \nKnee: All right, Itchy, All right! Whatever makes you happy!

#212 Diction

1. {What are you doing?} [Im practising my glo] \n2. \n3. \n4. \n5. \n6. [ttal stop.]

2014-09-28 Itchy (but not Knee) in Brain Worm

Itchy, sitting in a chair, thinks: "perseverate" \nItchy, making a late-night snack, thinks: "per sev er ate, pers ev erate" \nItchy, in the shower, thinks: "perse verate" \nItchy, clutching his head, thinks: "perseverate, perse verate! per SEV er ATE!" \nItchy, lying face down, kicking the ground in frustration, thinks: "perse eve rate, perseverate" \nsays: "why cant I get that word out of my head?!"

2014-10-13 Acacia

Giraffe [to assembled woodland creatures at tea]: Not bad, I suppose, for /imported/ acacia leaves, but when /I/ was in the /savannah/...

2014-10-26 Pink

1. Karen has new shoes. \n2. They are PINK. \n3. They are VERY PINK. \n4. Other accessories previously described as pink ... \n5. ... seem less pink now. \n6. Pink shoes, however, must be expected to rub.

2014-11-10 Edwina's Birthday Party

Edwina, pirate king, stands on the feasting table on her galleon and prods guests who will not take another slice of cake with her snicker-snee. One guest lies dead on the floor, clutching a golden spoon spattered with chocolate remains. \n \nCaption: Most guests seemed to work out fairly quickly that refusal of seconds at Edwina's Birthday Parties was not quite the thing.

2014-11-16 Neighbourly

Alien [out of flying saucer] to Philae lander: Excuse me, neighbour, could I trouble you for a cup of sugar? \n \n[Rosetta looks on from orbit.]

2014-11-17 Dear Diary

17th November 2014 \nDear Diary, \n today I saw a little mouse on the garden wall. I watched it to-ing and fro-ing for an hour when I should have been doing the vacuuming.

2014-11-26 The Pea and the Princess

Pea couldn't sleep at all. Through a dozen slabs of marble and hardest obsidian he could feel something soft and yielding. By the time morning arrived he was bruised all over.

2014-12-06 Allotment

Polytunnels. And the full moon. And allotments. Mwahaha.

2014-12-15 Rain Forest Gateau

Rain forest. And gateau. What did you expect?

2014-12-23 Cat, Anti-Cat

Cat sleeps. Anti-cat is awake. \nCat eats. Anti-cat will not. \nCat kills shoelaces. Anti-cat just washes. \nBut I saw in the moonlight -- \nCat may /be/ Anti-cat.

2014-12-25 Yes, starling

starlings at home: \n"I don't feel like going out again this evening. How about we stay in and have a nice, cosy murmuration here - just the two of us?"

2014-12-26 Super Dog

1. WOOF WOOF WOOF \n-- hi! My name is SUPER DOG! I'm super excited to meet you! \n2. WOOF WOOF WOOF \n-- Anyway I have this AMAZING SUPER POWER - I can bark for HOURS without getting tired! \n3. [Kick] Be Less Dog! \n4. WOOF WOOF WOOF \n-- A true genius is seldom recognised in his own lifetime.

2015-01-03 Itchy and Knee in Stir Fry Crazy

Itchy: No, No! Knee, this stir fry is terrible. You've no idea -- let me tell you how to make one properly. \nKnee: So, Itchy, you're the expert? Well you can certainly talk the talk! \nKnee: But let's see you Wok the Wok...

2015-01-10 Wahwah Owl

tu-wit? \ntu-wah-wah-wah-waaah!

2015-01-10 Be My Gust (one final draught)

small fluffy creature (it's a chinchilla. or a rat, perhaps) goes flying in the wind from a volcano-like structure.

2015-01-19 RSPB Birdwatch

RSPB Birdwatch... \nI've already seen eighteen adults and eleven children! How about you?

2015-01-26 Paparazzi

1. [Dinosaur eating.] \n2. Cathy! \n3. Heathcliff! \n4. [smooch] \n5. Do you think we were observed? \n6. I fear that Brontesaurus.

2015-01-31 Light Thinking

[Sherlock Holmes puffs away, abstractedly.] \nDr. Watson: You sit there puffing your pipe \n \nPretending to reflect \n \nBut /I/ know it's all smoke and mirrors.

2015-02-07 DJ Nutkin

DJ Nutkin! \n[The DJ is a squirrel] \nI want to see EVERYBODY DANCING!

2015-03-21 Hippo skating

2015-03-25 Hippos Dancing

[Two hippos dancing on the head of a pin, in Art Deco style, top hats, monocle, flapper outfit] Answer: Two.

2015-04-11 Hippo and Mirror

Voluptuous lady hippo peers into her hand-mirror.

2015-05-08 Black Crow

black crow sits on a branch.

2015-05-30 Sturm und Drang

Noah: Get gopher wood, he said. Get tar and pitch, he said. Take two of each animal, he said. Didn't bloody say nothing about bringing change for the meter.

2015-06-14 King of the Bird Table

[Wood pigeon on a garden bird table, scaring away the little yellow bird. Police helicopter arrives and the birds scatter. A robot appendage extends and grabs the food from the table]

2015-07-14 The Bare Necessities

Young person climbing a big mountain, reaches the top ready for a rest. Reaches into rucksack and pulls out ... a screwdriver. Reaches in again and this time ... a hair-dryer. Then in quick succession an octopus, a mixer tap, a bicycle pump, an anchor, a bowling pin, a metal flute, a 4Kg weight, ...

2015-07-21 Rumble

Four musicians sitting, not obviously playing anything. \nRUMBLE! \nSubtitle: The Borborygmus Ensemble \n

2015-07-24 Underwater Eyeland

a multitude of strange sea-creatures, with many strange human-like eyes (and some human limbs) float about around an apparently man-made tunnel-like structure, also with eyes.

2015-08-01 The Right Tools

[Winnie's Workshop -- Brooms Fettled, Cauldrons Lined, Spells Recast] \nWinnie, the witch mechanic, receives a tool from her trainee: \n"No you idiot! This is a phillips driver -- I need a HEX key!"

2015-08-08 Clown

A clown's head floating in space, with an octopus wrapped around the peak of his pointed hat; a spotted bow-tie; we can see through the oesophagus, a hand operated meat mincer. \n \nA periscope with an eye on a flexible tube, peering into a maze of transparent tubes, one of which opens up into a sphere containing a whale, a shark, an octopus. A network of vein-like tubes cover the surface.

2015-08-15 Lost in the Tube

<somewhere in a strange organic tunnel, two long endoscopes meet:> \nFirst: Hi -- you're new here! Welcome to gastroscopy! \nSecond: Actually, I work in colonoscopy.

2015-08-23 Itchy and Knee in Scrupulously Fair

Knee: Oho Itchy! Did you "accidentally" cook an odd number of peas again?

2015-09-06 The perfect audio system

woman plays and sings with gusto, into a gigantic, fantastical, multifunctional organ console complete with audio microphone and tea-making equipment. The output sound however is limited by the amp, and is deeply underwhelming.

2015-09-14 Trombone Parade

Birthday cake with quite a lot of trombone candles, perhaps 76 of them. Balloons, streamers etc. Icing text says "Happy Birthday -- enjoy your big parade". Secondary image shows ranks of military looking chaps in parade uniform. The leader is giving an order to an ice-cream van: "... and 103 cornets, please." The first cone is actually a brass cornet with ice cream in the top.

#213 Fruit Basket

(Oh the embarrassment!) \n[Why? What's happened?) \n(I accidentally threw one of those plastic fruit punnets into landfill...) \n(... instead of recycling!) \n[Oh! Shame!] \n(The council were very angry and sent me a form to fill in.) \n[Oh! Horror!] \n(Yes. And, I had to sign a declaration to confirm it was an accident.) \n[What did it say?] \n(No punnet intended.)

2015-10-14 Candid

Stealthie: when your phone takes your photo without your knowledge.

20151019 Pan Tilt Zoom

Advanced camera technique for wildlife photography - pan, tilt and zoom.

2015-10-23 The Natural History Museum

almost compleat stegosaurus. Arthur Pain collection. Tube Worms. Aragonite. Icthyosaur with babies. Brain coral. Umbrella-mouthed gulper. Deep sea gnosher (before feeding - after feeding) The blue whale is being serviced.

2015-10-24 Enchanted Evening

It was just another tedious social function. But then, magically, across the crowded room, their lips met. [picture: fish at a party. Two seahorses kiss across the room using their long long snouts)]

2015-10-31 Ghost Tour

Ghost Tour of Oxford

2015-11-14 Victoria and Albert

China: \nvase with lotus and fish design, 1750-1850 Qing dynasty. \nTeapot 1989, Gerald Gulotta and Bao Li'an \nOwl-shaped wine vessel, 1250-1050BC, Shang dynasty. Bronze. \nKorea: Bottle with willow design 1100-1300 Koryo- dynasty \n--- \n"Bartmann" pitcher with medallions and a crucifixion scene. 1575. (Workshop of?) Jans Emens Mennicken \nTwo earthenware pots ~1880. Linthorpe Art Pottery, designed by Christopher Dresser \nKnitted green hat. Provenance unknown. ~late 20th century?

2015-11-27 Urban Hunter of the Urban Jungle

The urban hunter explores the urban jungle, ants, bees, elephant, hippo, rhino, giraffe, zebra, lion, wildebeest and the odd human commuter.

2016-01-02 Happy New Year

Cheeky squirrel munching the nut he charmed from us.

2015-12-05 Optical Illusion

Optometrist at tonometry machine: Now, you'll just feel a small puff of air.

2015-12-11 A Trip to London Zoo

making lunch, and travelling on the X90 coach to London. \nWestern gorilla, 2 weeks old; \ntigers; \nkomodo dragon; \naxolotl; \nlong horned cow fish; \nstingray; \nokapi; \nring-tailed lemur; \nsouthern tamandua (tree anteater); \npiranha; \n2 baby emperor tamarin twins, in my sketchbook; \nred titi monkey (also in sketchbook); \ndinner at Rajdoot; \nback to Oxford on the X90 coach.. \n

2016-01-10 Mini Hippo Rave

thumbnail sketches of a hippo having a hippo of a time dancing.

2016-02-21 Andy Warhol

Nine arses, each with a different colour.

20160323 The UK's Best Jazz Bookshop

Pete Oxley and Nick Meier "Chasing Tails"

2016-03-28 Hippo Anniversary

hippos weaving

2016-04-06 Jazz Kitchen Menagerie

Jazz gig, with tenor sax, guitar, string bass, hippo on bass, bear on drums and giraffe on vocals.

2016-04-08 Ergonomics

standing desk for giraffes.

2016-04-24 Leo-pard

Pianist accompanies dancing class of dancers, all dressed in leotards. One dancer is wearing a leopard onesie suit. Thinks: "I wish I'd read the clothing instructions more carefully."

2016-04-28 Peel Me A Grape

Trish Elphinstone, Martin Pickett, Tim Richardson and Ng Shu-Ting Esther, with Karen Kay on vocals. Peel Me a Grape!

2016-05-16 Predictable Predator

Snow leopard \nClouded leopard \nSunny intervals leopard

2016-04-29 Itchy and Knee in Combustion

Knee: Itchy! What's that burning smell? \nItchy: Oh stop your worrying, Knee! I'm making my leftover porridge into oat cakes. \n[Itchy runs a clothes-iron over lumps of porridge, flattening them.]

2016-05-21 Ancient Quarrel

1. Blue plate says: Romeo Montague -- tragic hero -- lived in this cottage. \n2. A Montague: "I thank thee good Mercutio, 'tis done well." \n3. A Capulet: "How thou dost abuse thy neighbour! Should not our dwelling also be graced?" \n4. Mercutio: [waving a blue sign: Juliet Capulet, tragic heroine, lived here] "Content thyself mistress, I am apt to furnish ... a plaque on both your houses."

2016-06-03 Itchy and Knee in Repair Job

1. [Itchy is fully clothed in the bath, doing some kind of DIY.] \n2. Knee: Hey itchy! Will you be long in the bath? \n3. Itchy: I'll have you know, Knee, I'm REPAIRING the enamel [holds out a tube of Enamel Fix] \n4. Knee [examining the tube]: Itchy! This is toothpaste!

2016-07-03 Itchy and Knee in Eco Warrior

[Knee gets a glass of water, but the filter jug is unaccountably low on water. Knee examines the jug...] \nKnee: "Itchy ... why is there a house brick in the filter jug?" \nItchy: "BECAUSE, Knee, it's to save water, OBVIOUSLY."

2016-08-09 Semi-aquatic Lifestyle

Hippopuffermus. [A puffer fish with the features of a hippo] \nAnd a hippo swimming.

2016-10-01 CARU 3rd Anniversary

Contemporary Arts Research Unit 3rd Anniversary Event -- Where's the Art?

2016-10-03 No Fishing

Fishing by a river bank. The sign says "No Fishing," but someone is fishing!

2010-10-17 Green Hippo Doodle

A large, green hippopotamus, facing his anti-matter counterpart.

2016-10-22 Itchy and Knee in Brain Food

1. Itchy gets his pillow from his bed. \n2. Itchy eats his pillow with gusto. \n3. Knee: "Itchy! Why are you eating your pillow?" \n4. Itchy: "BECAUSE, Knee, I keep forgetting things." \n5. Knee: "Itchy! You're eating..." \n6. Knee (face-palms): "Memory foam."

2016-10-31 Itchy and Knee in Mind Games

Itchy saws open Knee's head, pulls out his brain, flips and rotates it like a rubik cube and dunks it back in.

2016-11-16 Devil on the Train

Bartolomé's devil rides a train through moonlit countryside.

2016-11-19 Sandspout Launch Party

Stream of consciousness record of a literary launch party. \n \n"THIS IS A BOOK-SHOP \ncross-roads of civilization \nREFUGE OF ALL THE ARTS \nagainst the ravages of time"

2016-12-17 Karen at the Farmers' Market

Karen Kay sings, supported by Pink Fluffy Monster puppet.

2016-12-26 A Sensitive Nose

Dr Watson [holding the Floral Cyclopedia]: Amazing, Holmes! How could you know that the message would be concealed in the pages on garlic and onions? \nSherlock Holmes: Because, my Dear Watson, it is the allium entry.

2017-01-02 Itchy and Knee in Real Art

Knee: Itchy, why is my expensive Picasso print stuck to the fridge? \nItchy: Because, Knee, that's how you know it's art.

2017-01-11 Helen Czerski in the Pub

PV=nkT \noceanographers \ngraph of time vs size: quantum / cosmos, life in the middle \nbenedicts' reagent and blueberry jam \nslosh damping bubbles -- frequency of slosh depends on size of cup. Walk slower (or faster) \nMexico city eqrthquake: freq(quake) = freq(buildings) Tai Pei 101, pendulum inside resists toppling \nHelium powered gas gun -- jelly diamond catcher \ntoaster: far more interesting* than a distant star -- and it makes toast! (*maxwell's laws, *black body radiation) \n"What can you do when you know that?" \nbody - planet - civilization (life support) \nphysics ducks \nHomework Experiments: \n1. raisins in lemonade... \n2. watch spilt coffee dry... \n3. tap the rim of a tea cup... \n4. slide buttered toast off the table...

2017-01-11 Mark Lynas in the Pub

Science in the Age of Post-Truth, by Mark Lynas 2017-02-01 \nTrump for a reason - we abandoned reason. \nRoyal Society - Nullius in Versa \nGMO - destruction of crops \nScience support for climate change = science support for GMO saftey \nVirus resistant cassava \nan entire maize crop (drought in Tanzania) \nBT aubergines \nDosimeter at Fukushima \nGolfball sized piece of Uranium \nWind turbines won't be enough \nE. Coli from Organic food - kidney failure \n1961 technology -- you'd need this much extra land for agriculture [2 x USA] \njoin Refugees Welcome in Oxford \nGene drive vs. Malaria \n40% coal (UK) -> 10% coal \nidentity bubbles get smaller and smaller \nPlea: be an activist on critical thinking.

2017-02-08 Tim Harford on Statistics: Why Truth Matters

2017-02-08 Tim Harford \nStatistics: Why the truth matters \n1953 New York -- John Hill "Doubt is our product" \nSir Walter \npainted smoke gives mice cancer \n[F]acebook [F]act checking -- probably helps a little bit. Helps those who already know some facts. \nPope endorses [Trump]? \nFake news -- is more profitable (advertising) - Click! \n"Backfire Effect" \n* £340M -- Just not true! -- but truth is hard to forget \n* Simple facts are more persuasive \n* Princeton vs. Dartmouth -- "They saw a game" -- Perception is coloured by feelings \n-- And it's WORSE for scientists! \n[Flu jab] doesn't cause flu -- accepting this is not enough! Still won't get vaccinated. \nFilter bubbles and echo chambers: \nAlgorithms make it worse, searches are personalised, therefore biased. \nBUT people do it naturally. \nIt's not a problem (today) \n-- Filter bubblers don't even read the news! \n(China) 50 cent army -- creating distraction. \nSally Prusiner (Nobel prize) for CJD and prions -- funded by tobacco! \nTRIVIALISM \nmost people just aren't paying attention \n* Dan Kahan - measuring curiosity \nWe need to make people care \nHans Rosling (1948-2017) -- we need more like him.

2017-02-25 Karen at North Parade Market

Karen singing at the North Parade Market.

2017-06-02 Quality Control

Quality control robot examines a component on the production line, then after some internal struggle obliterates it.

2017-08-01 It Ain't Natural

1. King Kong ravages the city. \n2. [Label reads: 100% polyester]

2017-09-15 Thomas Truax

whimsical record of a whimsical performance.

2017-10-22 Another tedious Sunday afternoon-in

Hips - lips - whips - chips \nFlies - thighs - eyes - pies

2017-11-14 Pretty in Pink

1. Where is my pink pen? \n2. I /cannot/ write without my pink pen! \n3. I am a /real/ princess.

2017-12-21 Winter Greetings

Woman and polar bear dance in the snow

2018-03-11 Would Mouse like to leave now?

Wood mouse sitting at a table prepares to eat bread and peanut butter, oblivious to the primed mouse-trap around the peanut butter jar.

218-03-25 Cheap dog-sledging

Cheap dog sledging -- a woman is pulled in a wheeled cart, by a collection of dogs of vastly mismatched sizes. The alpha dog has stopped to relieve himself by a sign saying "No Dogs."

2018-04-21 E-Theatre

Print out your e-ticket. \nYou can print the e-script too! \nPrint and cut out the e-characters and e-props. \nDon't forget to print some e-popcorn.

2018-05-04 Criminal

Science officer (looking down microscope): !! \nSO (to Inspector of Police): I asked the lab to run the crime scene samples. But they did the DNA analysis backwards... \nIoP: ...AND? \nSO: exactly!

2018-07-13 Feathering

Bird in nest to bird carrying twig: "Idiot! I asked for a #12 twig. You've brought a #14!"

2018-07-31 Summer Garden Fantasy

woman sunflower black-eyed susan frog elephant hawk-moth caterpillar badger trumpet watering can cosmos murano glass elizabethan ruff robin crest fence

2018-08-12 Life in the veldt

Hippopotamus in the veldt. \nHippopotamus above the veldt. \nHippopotamus landed in the veldt. \nCaption: Hiccupotamus

2018-09-24 A young Itchy in... Bubbles

1. Itchy sees a bottle \n2. Itchy opens the bottle to find a bubble wand \n3. Itchy blows bubbles \n4. Itchy drinks the mixture \n5. Itchy's head turns into a bubble

2018-09-30 Nice Doggy

Small dog, no particular breed.

2018-10-03 A spotty limerick

A girl in pink, spotted pyjamas \nSaid for breakfast she'd like some bananas. \nBut when she came near \nThey said that "We fear \nThe whole lot were scoffed by iguanas."

2018-10-05 Itchy and Knee in Space Tennis

Itchy and Knee play tennis... in space.

2018-10-09 Owl

Owl on a branch, and a bat flying past the moon.

2018-10-14 Count Antelope

1. One impala. \n2. Two impala. \n3. Vlad the Impala.

2018-10-16 Skydiving Hippo

Hippo sky-dives

2018-11-03 Cosmodromedary

space-suited dromedary camel runs through the cosmos.

2018-12-15 Hippo Tea-Time

[Edwardian hippo dressed in cravat, monocle, top hat and tails drinks tea, with a cake ready to be eaten by the side]